050

12 Relationship 'Nevers' to Remember
(Based on the Experiences of 5.5 Relationships)

1.  Never compromise your beliefs/goals for your S.O.

2.  Never hold onto a relationship in which you’ll be over 100 miles apart.

3.  Never introduce an S.O. to your extended family until a marriage proposal has been made; it will either scare your S.O. away or give your S.O. the impression that your relationship is more serious than you may anticipate.

4.  Never jump into a relationship when you still harbor feelings for an ex.

5.  Never go back to an ex who hurt you; you’re giving him/her permission to do it again.

6.  Never assume you’re in a relationship; third base doesn’t mean a thing.

7.  Never make “your song” a Top 40; if you break up, you’ll hear that shit everywhere.

8.  Never go to bed angry.

9.  Never give a gift you might want back.

10.  Never make promises you don’t intend to keep.

11.  Never  give up on someone who makes you genuinely happy, no matter what.

12.  Gibbs’s Rule: Never date a coworker.

049

I don't know what to write, but I know I need to.

Over the past week or so I've realized that crying doesn't have the same calming effect it used to have on me.  In college I cried a lot--more than the average person.  I cried because it made me feel better, because if I cried I could get all my feelings out.  Now, I've stopped crying.  Crying just leaves me face blotchy, my nose runny, and my eyes bloodshot.  Now, crying makes me feel weak--like I can't hold it together.  I don't like feeling out of control, especially when it comes to my emotions.

But even holding back the tears doesn't change the lump in my throat that never seems to fully subside.  It doesn't change the ache in my chest that keeps coming back.  And it brings on more headaches from holding everything in.

I've had to tell about a dozen people at work--all at separate times--about the break-up, and the worst moment always comes when they ask: "Why?"  And I try to explain what he's told me, and my outlook on it, but my subconscious always has to have her two cents and say, "Yes, Emily, please tell us: why?"  And I don't know the answer.  I can flap my gums over how much freedom he needs, but when it comes down to it, I can't understand why two people, who over the course of a seven-month relationship never fought and claim to love each other, are no longer together.  I can say that I understand, but I don't think I ever really will.