043

At the time, you don't realize the moments you're going to wish you could remember perfectly.  It's not like a TV show, where the next three seasons of life are scripted perfectly and filed away for good measure.  No, life comes at you fast, and events occur that you never would have expected two months ago, or even two years ago.  Two years ago, I didn't know it yet, but I was falling in love.  Two years ago, I didn't know it yet, but in a few hours I would be lying in my best friend's bed, agreeing to date a girl I would in two weeks time fall in love with.

I wasn't smart enough to think that maybe I should write down what I was feeling and what was happening--write about how my world was spinning at a hundred miles an hour, and I was doing everything in my power just to keep my balance.  I wish I had written it all down.  I wish I could have been prepared for this day, when I sit in my bed with my laptop in front of me, unable to open a Word Document because I know that I'll never remember everything perfectly.  So, now I'll put off writing things down again, and soon the memories will fade even more, because I'll tell myself I'm still not ready to write down that story.

Sooner or later I'll write that story with twisted facts and figures.  Sooner or later I'll have to see her again and tell her that I want it published, but it's all about her.  Sooner or later she'll read it and tell me that I got this and that wrong.  Sooner or later, with if's and maybe's, I'll do the things that my heart says I need to.  But for now I'll just bottle it up and save it for later.