030

I can't write a long entry tonight because I have work in the morning, and it's already nearing midnight, but I've been thinking a lot lately--today in particular.  I drove to get Chinese food this evening; and in order to reach the Hunan House, I have to take Highland road to 216--a series a backroads through down-home country.  It's the type of place where I feel much more comfortable blasting Rascal Flatts--though, today it was Jake Owen's "Barefoot Blue Jeans Night"--than Nicki Minaj.  These roads are the ones that I drive along and reminisce.  I don't drive them often, but when I do they remind me of my childhood.  I know if I take a right onto Brighton Dam, I'd pass by the house of an old friend back in the woods that if you're not paying attention, you'll drive right past.  At the intersection of 108 and Highland, I come across Boarman's, where my mom worked when I was still little.  If I keep driving I'll come up on my neighbor's church, where my pseudo-little sister and I would play in the basement where all of the children's playrooms were located.  If I turn before the cemetery, I would (maybe, if I could actually remember which one it is) find my babysitter's house.  And across from that cemetery is the church where I attended Sunday school growing up and sat every Easter for years, until Girl Scouts and volleyball practice got in the way of God.  It's harsh but true.

Anyone who has read past entries of this blog knows that my relationship with God has been strained, at best.  After a lot of thought, I have decided to reconsider the prospect of attending church.  With the exception of trips to my grandmother's church in Florida occasionally while I've vacationed there, I haven't been to church regularly in maybe twelve years.  A lot has changed in my life since then, but I'm hoping church is about the same as it was then.  I mean, it all comes from an old book, right?  How much could have changed according to history?

While I was considering the thought of going to church, I recalled why I haven't gone to church in the past four and a half years--I'm bisexual.  While The Bible says nothing about bisexuality, there's that whole chunk of Leviticus about lying with a man as with a woman...  Still not sure how that applies to women if it just talks about men, but I understand the ethics we're trying to teach there--no hanky-panky with people who've got what you got.

As I was saying: the reason I haven't gone to church in such a long time, even when coerced by friends and significant others, is rooted in the uncertainty of whether or not I would be accepted as a bisexual woman.  Yes, of course, I could just keep quiet about my sexual orientation while in the confines of holiness, but that's honestly just not how I roll.  Anyone who knows me knows that I'm not ashamed of who I am; at the same time, I'm not looking to make a scene or have a vigorous debate with a heated Christian.  So, I took it upon myself to Google "gay-affirming churches."  I was met with positive results.  I found a list of 166 churches in Maryland; eight of which are located within reasonable Sunday morning driving distance; and one of which is United Methodist, which is the church I was taught growing up.  After looking at the website and investigating the church's mission statement, I'm willing to give it a try.

For more information on gay-affirming churches, or to find a gay-affirming church near you, go to www.gaychurch.org.